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Today is the first day of goodbye

Sure, we live differently when we're single. We do what we want, when we want and don't have many boundaries.

Truth is, a lot of us single women do have boundaries, and self-control.

Singles are often accused of being "insecure"- "too picky" - or "too independent."

That is far from the truth for so many. I can only speak for myself, and I say, if I were insecure or afraid of rejection, then I'd be with Mr. Wrong. And that, is far worse than living single.

Single life at thirty-nine is very different than single life in your twenties.
At thirty-nine, we are content with many parts of ourselves, and our lives. The part of me that I love the most, is often feared by many.

People assume my ambition, passion and commitment to my fitness goals is intimidating. Fitness is a lifestyle, I do not do it to keep myself busy. I do it because it's my way of life. I'm not where I used to be, but, the purpose of this blog is to discuss the present, and the future. So I won't dwell on the past. I'm working on new goals for the future. If that intimidates a man, then perhaps he's all wrong for me.

Reality check: No one, not a woman or man, especially at my age, should change her passions for a relationship. The best relationships are between two people whose vision for the future are compatible.

I have a lot of thoughts on relationships- and - I could spread those thoughts out throughout the year. But the biggest point I'd like to drive to today is this:

I do not live the life that I'm living today, to gain a temporary experience - or to check something off of my list and give it all up so I can meet someone to and "settle."

I feel closest to happiness when I'm running, or practicing yoga or just lifting weights. I've been pressured a lot lately, and that happiness is harder to feel.
I feel happiest when I'm in the warm sun, near the city, not far from the beach.  That is not where I live. Everything I love is more than an hour drive from my apartment. And work is  a five hundred mile commute a week.
I'm stronger in wide open spaces, where I'm free to see for miles and miles. I'm stuck in an apartment in the woods and the view outside my window is less than a half an acre.
I'm tied down and I'm suffocating.

I take ownership for my temporary circumstances in New Hampshire and Massachusetts. I'm also working on cutting ties and knotting up some loose ends, the focus is on goodbye to the old and saying hello to the new.
Some relationships need to end, so I have room for new opportunities and new adventures.

The less I move, the more I hurt.

It is a fact that if you sit for long periods of time, it causes more aches and pains than if you train to run long distances and lift heavy weights.

My body is meant to move. My heart is meant to beat fast. I have a gypsy soul- and it's all so luscious.

Today is the first day of goodbye.



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